The Real Story

We were moving ahead into primate testing. Tragedy struck when our first test subject "Monkey Thing" was shocked to death and trapped in an infinite loop of pain. Jojo had raised monkey thing from a small monkey-like thing into the proud standing tall monkey-like thing it was today. It must have been hardest for him to pull the plug on him. Like God and that Jesus Thing. Undeterred by this setback I decided to move ahead with a human pilot, myself.

With Takako in tears and Jojo and Da Crank looking on solemnly, I mounted the great steps and enetered the cockpit to our super cool robot guy. Though he had scoping arms, there was no way to control them, nor was there anything to grab in space.
It all seemed a bit silly at that point.

Days ticked by, and then months and before I knew it years, centuries, millenia... I was in the hull of that great steel coffin for the better part of my life. Drifting in space. At last after waiting for a million lifetimes I arrived at the end of the universe. It was quite like Asteroids. I warped right back over to the opposite end and started my journey home. I should have brought my The Simpsons Season 4 DVDs... I wonder if 5 is out yet back on earth?

As I saw the earth coming into focus I half expected to see the icecaps had melted, and giant cockroaches ruling supreme. What I saw instead was George Clooney. Large as life, staring up at me... whistling and talking of Crabcakes. Was this a dream? Some wild fanatsy induced by Morphine...?

Yes. It was.