Ah, the end of the year awards. The pageantry. The spectacle. The fact that I haven�ft bought a CD by a Japanese artist since the new Youjeen album came out.

Let the farce begin.

Kisou sheds the more visual trappings of Gauze and the almost prog-rock like intricacies of Macabre, going for a more straight ahead rock/metal feel. In other words, Kyo likes Kiyoharu and it shows, though it takes absolutely nothing away from another stellar album by them.

Heaven: The Customized Landscape is shorter, leaner and meaner than Pierrot�fs last album, Private Enemy and that�fs a good thing. Whereas the former seemed to go on forever, the other has a much more precise and almost poppy feel to it or at least, poppy where Pierrot is concerned. They�fve still got it.

You know, I�fm convinced that the Japanese music industry really has it in for Siam Shade, really I am. They broke up after seven years, were discovered by none other than Ryuichi Kawamura, released a whole slew of kick ass albums and even played Budokan, for fucks sake. They don�ft let just anyone play Budokan. And you know how I discovered that their final concert had finally come out on DVD? I randomly found it on the shelves without one friggin iota of advance advertising or anything. I mean seriously, Mr. Big�fs final concert at Budokan got more press.

Small added bitch. Why the hell did the video come with a poster and not the DVD? Damn you, Japanese music industry, damn you.

I don�ft even think this needs explanation. Just try and explain that one to your parents.

As it has become apparent, none of my major predictions came true except for one and upon reflection, it was like predicting that you were going to have sex five seconds before paying the prostitute. Ah well, maybe next time.

I really should have seen this one coming. The fan club newsletters stopped coming, the merch took a turn for the budget and something was rotten in the state of Denmark. The result, random announcement that the band was calling it quits. No major label deals. No final concert at Budokan. No more Laid. No nothing. What the hell? Did I miss something?

Not that I�fm a huge fan or anything. Actually, one might say that I hate Misia with every fiber of my being but whoever has been directing the videos for her songs needs to be fired and rehired so they can be fired again. I especially like the one with the post apocalyptic setting, replete with flaming oil drums and repressive governmental policies with Misia leading a revolution through music. Hate to tell you baby but Rush did it first and it was lame then.

You know, I thought it was a fluke really. Overlong album, played in its entirety, with almost no changes and fans that struck me as being their not for the music but because they thought Kirito was really cute. Maybe it was me. I thought, shorter, more lively album. Let�fs give them another try.

Well, if I was ever sick of being right, now was not the time to be. I honestly don�ft think Joe and Boo believed me either. Their new album, played in order, with a couple of other songs at the end and the same fairly lame fans. That and they�fre just not interesting to watch onstage. They know how to the write the songs, but maybe it�fs time to pull a Beatles; release albums but don�ft tour.

Sorry Joe but there is no denying that 13 Leaves pales in comparison to Chu no Fuchi, even if it does grow on you with repeated listenings. And now if you give them album of the year, it seems like you are doing so just to placate your conscience or something.

Okay so maybe they weren�ft the greatest thing to come out of Avex trax but I kind of dug them and they had a black dude named King Opal in it who spoke Kansai ben. How cool is that?

Hello? Avex Trax? Are you listening? I loved Max. Really I did. I even broke down and bought their DVD video collection, even though I refuse to support you and your sad copy protection policies. They remind me of a simpler time. But let�fs be honest here, do you really think they can sell albums anymore? I was actually quite relieved to see them go because it seemed like the right time for them to fade away. Must you prolong the pain?

Extra bitch. Why ruin the symmetry of ending the names with na by adding someone named Aki and not just adding a na to it?

Seriously. I don�ft like them. Really I don�ft. I just like staring at them as they pretend to rap and wear leather. I especially love the way they say down and dirty. Not only do they manage to do it without a hint of appearing or sounding down and dirty but also because they extend four syllables into an indeterminate length. Say it with me now children!

Dowoo-un un-do Daa-tee.

Was I the only one who didn�ft know Sonin had breasts? I mean she goes from wearing outfits that could be best described with words like �gFrilly�h and �gTacky�h and �gJust plain stupid if you�fre not retarded or colorblind�h to wearing nothing but an apron and a smile, singing into a spoon.

I think I�fm in love.

On the opposite end of the scale, we have Tanpopo. Anyone remember when it was three of the older members of Morning Musume and put forth an older, more mature vibe. Now we have four of the younger members, wearing kiddie outfits and singing kiddie songs. What happened?

Did I mention she�fs not wearing anything at all besides an apron?

And there you have it ladies and gentleman, my sad and pathetic attempt at humor. Tune in next year when I don�ft even bother submitting anything because I�fm not in the country anymore.

Pull yer cranium out from yer anus.